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All posts for the month October, 2014

MY BANK CARD WAS CHILLING WITH MY HOO-HA

Published October 24, 2014 by CrazyRedders

Yesterday I woke up at 5 am, I had to get my daughter up and ready for school, and then I had to get ready to go meet one of my friends for breakfast.  While my daughter was getting ready I decided to pay my phone bill because the payment was due and I didn’t want to forget to pay it.  So I got my card out of my purse and made the phone call to pay my bill.  After paying the bill, I then went upstairs to finish getting ready.  When It was time for me to leave, I was looking around to make sure I had everything.  I had everything except my card.  I searched all through my purse, because I could have sworn I put it back in there.  Then I checked every room in the house thinking maybe I sat it down somewhere.  I found nothing.  I didn’t  have much time to keep searching for the card so I got some cash out of my husbands wallet and decided to look for it again when I got back home, because I had to be at the restaurant at a certain time.

When I got to the restaurant, my friend and I took a seat at one of the tables.  After the waitress took our orders, I told my friend , I’ll be right back I have to use the restroom.  Soon as I sat down on the toilet, I looked down and noticed my bank card resting perfectly in my underwear.  I was shocked because I never felt it and this has never happened to me before lol,  I must of been really tired, because after paying my phone bill I chose to put my bank card in my underwear with my hoo-ha instead of back in my purse like normal people do.  When I went back out to the table, I told my friend everything.  We couldn’t stop laughing.  She kept saying, only you, this stuff only happens to you lol  Then I text my husband and said, I found my card honey, It was chilling with my hoo-ha.  He texted back and said thats it your not allowed to have the card no more lol

This experience was too funny.  So what did you think about this story?  Has this ever happened to you ?  Please share with all your friends, and please don’t forget to put your card back in your purse and not with your hoo-ha 🙂

YOU CAUGHT MY EYE

Published October 17, 2014 by CrazyRedders

dating-cardEarly this morning I went down to one of the local gas stations to get some gas.  After prepaying, I headed outside to start pumping the gas.  I almost made it to my car when I heard, excuse me someone said.  I turned my head, a young man, maybe in his mid 30’s was sitting in his car and he was calling me over, I thought maybe he needed help with directions.  I walked over to his car and said, hi can I help you.   Yes you can,  See you caught my eye, and I didn’t want to miss this opportunity and I sure didn’t want you to miss  this great opportunity, so whats your name he said.  Whats this guy talking about (great opportunity) lol.  I like myself too lol .   My name is Chrissy and I’m married I said.  Well he’s one lucky man ,and he had better be treating you well he said.  My husband is a wonderful man, and I love him so much.  It was very nice to meet you and I hope you have a nice day I said.  After that he drove off, and I went to pump my gas.  I just love some of the stuff men come up with to try and pick up women lol.  We got some smooth talkers out their 🙂

ROAD HEAD TILL I’M DEAD

Published October 15, 2014 by CrazyRedders

Road-Trip

So My husband and I were arguing over if the kings restaurant in our area served beer or not.  He didn’t think so , but I new they did.  He said, but woman it’s a family restaurant.  I know it is, but it’s a new thing that they just started doing I said to him, but if you don’t believe me, we can bet on it.  Your on, and if I win I want road head till i’m dead he said.  I started to laugh, are you serious.   Fine if you get road head till your dead, then what do I get.  He said what do you mean if you win, Your not going to win. We’ll see about that, Lets just get to the restaurant so we can find out who’s right I said.

Once we got to the restaurant, we took a seat. When the waiter came over and asked us what we wanted to drink, right away my husband asked for a beer. The waiter said, coming right up sir. He was shocked to say the least. My husband was thrilled and disappointed at the same time. He was happy that they served beer but disappointed about losing the bet. He really wanted road head till he was dead lol

What do you think about this story lol ? Please share with all your friends 🙂

THESE ARE MY BOOBS

Published October 14, 2014 by CrazyRedders

stock-vector-woman-scolding-husband-retro-clipart-illustration-105629840So a friend of mine came to me with her story.  She wants me to share it on my blog, and she wishes to remain anonymous.  So here it is…….

It was a Friday night and my husband and I made plans to hang out with his cousin and his wife.  When we arrived, Us woman went up to the kitchen to prepare dinner, while the men got the fire started.  After helping prepare the food, I went down stairs to get a drink.  I didn’t see my husband, he must of been using the bathroom.  His cousin approached me and said, hey I was talking to your hubby and he said I could see you boobs.  He gave me permission to see them, but don’t tell my wife.  I was completely speechless.  At that very moment his wife  called down for me, she needed help with something in the kitchen.  I gotta go, I told him.  As I started walking away he said, don’t worry I’ll catch you alone in the house one of these days.  I just kept walking.  I can’t believe my husband would do something like this to me.  I was shocked to say the least.  For the rest of the night, I held my pee in because I didn’t want to take the chance of getting caught by myself in the house with him.  I would have to hit him.  I would love to hit both of them actually.  When my husband and I got home later that night, I asked him, why did you tell your cousin he could see my boobs?  Whats the big deal, just show him your boobs.  No i’m not, these are my boobs, not yours, and I’m not going to let you pimp them out.  He looked at me and said, you got a ring on your finger right, those boobs are bought and payed for.  I gave him the most evil look you could think of.  He then said , I’m just kidding you honey, don’t worry I’ll have a talk with him.  You won’t have to show him your boobs.  I wasn’t going to anyways I said.  Don’t ever do this to me again I told him.  I promise I won’t he said.  After that we went to bed.

So what did you think of my friends story?  How would you have handled this situation? Please like, comment and share with all your friends 🙂

SPERM THAT CAN DO THE BACKSTROKE

Published October 10, 2014 by CrazyRedders

spermSo I’m not sure if this is true or not, but my husband thinks it is.  One evening we started discussing the future. We started talking baby talk.   We discussed that when the time was right we would try for a baby.  Although no time is the right time, but that’s just my opinion.  Well anyways, while we were discussing the issue, he looked at me and said, woman I just want to tell you a head of time, since were talking about the whole baby thing and all.  When we do start trying , it’s only right that you know that my boys are trained soldiers.  They’ve been trained to do the backstroke.  They get in and get out without getting caught.  I started laughing.  Your funny I said to him.  Woman i’m serious, my boys are good at what they do.  I said, Well if that’s the case, then you had better start training them to go in the right direction because the backstroke is unacceptable.  When the time is right, they had better be ready to seal the deal.  After I said that he started laughing and said your funny woman, but don’t worry I got this. He’s too funny.  The things he says just cracks me up.

So what do you think about the story?  Please feel free to share with all your friends:)

BUTTS AND GUTS

Published October 9, 2014 by CrazyRedders

GetAttachment (6)So about a couple of years back, or maybe it was a few years back.  I don’t know, it’s been so long I can’t remember lol.  Well anyways, I signed up at my local gym.  Upon signing up, I also signed up for their Butts and Guts class.  I was so excited about taking the class because I wanted to get rid of the gut and turn my buns of aluminum into buns of steel.  Needless to say I was ready.

After a few weeks of taking the class, I couldn’t get enough of it.  This class was awesome!  I learned something though.  Don’t eat gassy foods prior to taking the class because farts will fly.  NO JOKE.  I’m just putting that out there.

Well one late Thursday evening, I was at my class like usual, However their was a different instructor this time because the regular instructor had to take the night off.  After class was over, I went into the bathroom to change my clothes like I always do.  After I was done changing, I opened the bathroom door and all I saw was darkness.  Nobody in sight and all the lights were off.  Everyone had left including the instructor.  So you know what that means, yep my ass was locked in.  I really need to stop getting myself into these situations.  I started to freak out a little bit.  For 1.) I was stuck in the dark by myself, 2.) I didn’t want the police to drive by and think I was robbing the place, and 3.) Their might be a ghost in here with me, and I’m not talking about casper here.  I’m talking about straight up from the grave looking like the grim reaper type of ghost, and just my luck it would probably be demonic too.  If I don’t think quick, hell even Chuckie might  show up.  So I did the only thing I thought was right at the time.  I called 911.

911 whats your emergency, the operator asked.  I started to tell her everything.  From the buts and guts class to changing in the bathroom, then realizing that everyone had left with out me and I was locked in.  I also told her to send someone quick to help me.  Ma’am someone will come when they can, this is not a major emergency she said.  Yes it is, their could be a ghost in here with me, and I don’t want to take any chances.  Ma’am is this a prank phone call she said.  NO I’m being for real here.  I’m not joking, please send someone.

So many minutes later, 3 police cars show up.  Keep in mind their was a local police station on the same street as the gym.  Instead of sending those cops, they sent the state police.  So it’s not a major emergency, but the state police were sent. huh.  3 cops walked up to the door and told me to just try and open the door from my end.  So I did, and the door opened right up without any problems and no alarm sounded at all.  Man I’m such a dumb ass, I thought to myself.  I noticed the cops were laughing amongst themselves.  One of the cops asked me for my license and registration.  Why I wasn’t driving I said.  Ma’am license and registration please.  Fine but I have to find my keys in my purse first.  With that being said I lifted my big ass book bag looking purse up on my car and starting searching.  I starting taking out spray bottles, a hair brush, chocolate, pads out of my purse to try and find my keys.  I’m glad I left my handcuffs at home tonight, because I probably would of had some explaining  to do.  Holy shit you could kill someone with that purse, one of the cops said.  I just looked at him and said, I know right.

Well after finally finding my keys, I was able to show the officers my credentials.  After that they told me I could leave.  Thank goodness because I had enough crazy for one night.  Even tho I was a little embarrassed and feeling like a dumb ass, I wasn’t going to let this stop me from achieving my goal.  I was going to continue to take the classes to get my buns of steel lol

So what did you think about this crazy story?  Would you have handled it differently?  Please feel free to share this story with all your friends 🙂

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

Published October 7, 2014 by CrazyRedders

GetAttachment (5)So my husband always has something smart to say, but I have to admit he’s funny.  He’s got some good ones.  I guess that’s why we fit so well together, we both have a funny sense of humor.  So almost a year ago the night of our rehearsal dinner, while everyone was setting up for the wedding, I guess he couldn’t help himself.  He walked up to the memorial table that we had set up for pictures of our loved ones who were no longer with us, and he said theirs a picture missing.  What picture is missing I asked him?  Out loud he said the picture of my balls is missing.  I laughed and said your crazy.  I’m serious woman, I want a picture of my balls on the memorial table, and I want it to say gone but not forgotten.  Honey stop worrying about your balls and get back to work, we got shit to do I lol.  What I’m just saying.  Just putting it out their that my balls deserve a spot on the table he said.  I just couldn’t help but laugh, he’s too much.

So what do you think about the plan my soon to be husband had for his balls???