What’s up my crazyredder fans? I know I haven’t posted anything on my crazyredders website for a year now, and i’m truly sorry. I got really sick and had to see a lot of doctors. but I’m happy to say that I’m feeling much better now. And i’m on my way to good health again. Thank you to all of you for your patience and understanding. I can finally get back to what I love doing. Tomorrow I will be posting my new blog post on my crazyredders website at http://www.crazyredders.com . You won’t want to miss this one. It’s called pooping by candlelight. So come subscribe and happy reading 🙂 Thank you for the support.
I can’t remember exactly how we got on this subject, but my husband last night was talking about how he wasn’t in his prime anymore. Which was a known fact already, but anyways. Then he started to tell me how he use to be when he was younger. I knew this was going to be interesting. He stood up out of his lazy boy chair and said, woman you have no idea, I use to be a f$%#ing beast back in the day. I managed to hold my laugh in, but it was hard lol. I looked at him and said, you’re definitely not a beast anymore, You’re a f$%#ing donkey, but I still love you. He gave me this serious but trying to hold his laugh in type of look. He then said, oh someone wants to be a smatass. Well It’s what I do best honey. Then I said I’m just kidding honey, I know you were a beast back in the day. Then I gave him a hug and kiss, and told him I loved him. Sometimes you just got to step back and let them have their moment. My grandfather once told me that you shouldn’t hurt a mans pride. I definitely didn’t want to hurt my husbands pride, besides I think it’s sexy when he tries to act hard. Love him so much 🙂
This story is about a miniature Eskimo Spitz dog named kitty. That’s right the dogs name was kitty lol. She was my grandmothers dog. My gram chose the name kitty because she always wanted a cat too, and she knew she couldn’t get another animal other than this dog, so she named it kitty. This story takes place about 8 years ago.
Picture it, Oakdale 2006. It was a beautiful summer day, not a cloud in sight. It was a perfect day to go out for a drive, so that’s what I did. I decided to take kitty with me. I loaded kitty into my 1993 Oldsmobile Cutless Ciera named Eleanor . I sat her on the passenger side seat, then I shut the door. Once I was in the car, I buckled up and pressed play on my cd player and put my headphones on. Now I know this is a big no no, but my radio didn’t work in the car, and I just had to have music. The car also didn’t have a horn, which was probably not a good thing either lol. After picking track number 6, Here I go again by Whitesnake on my cd player, I put the car in gear and heading down the road. The speed limit was 35 mph, but I was going 45. I guess I have never been good at following the rules. As I continued driving down this long road, putting the pedal to the metal, I decided to put both the driver and the passenger side windows all the way down. I wanted to feel the wind on my face, my long hair blowing in the breeze, you get my drift. I would soon find out that this was also a big no no too when you have a dog riding in your car. I looked over at kitty and she was just sitting on the passenger side seat, she wasn’t up on the window at all. I continued to Cruz down the road jamming to white snake. Thank goodness for peripheral vision, because out of the corner of my eye I seen this white puff ball fly out the window. I pulled over real quick and slammed on the brakes. I was panicking. I was so shook up that the only thing I could pull myself to do, was open the car door and just sit there calling, here kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty. Within a few seconds of calling her, she jumped back into the car on my lap. I kept hugging her. I was so thankful she was okay. She didn’t have a single scratch on her. Thank goodness I wasn’t on a highway, because things might of been allot worse. I can only imagine what the drivers behind me must of been thinking. They must of thought it was a big snowball. They were probably really confused since it was august, the hottest month of the year and this big white fluffy snowball looking thing was flying in the air. I just don’t understand it, she was just sitting on the seat. She wasn’t even up on the window. It was the like the wind just sucked her right out the window. Poor baby. For a small moment in time I guess you can say she was Gone With The Wind.
Lets talk about sex and baby making. I personally like to call it Operation Poke and Hope, (he pokes and she hopes). Baby making (OPH) sucks the life and fun right out couples. I’m here to tell you that you can change this. Baby making can be fun, hot, sexy, steamy, and spontaneous, and lets not forget naughty, that one should never be left out.
Woman don’t need to climax in order to conceive, but that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t. Hey why let him have all the fun. During the OPH process, woman tend to not care about having an orgasm. Woman are more worried about getting their mans deposit instead of enjoying the moment and having great sex. Be patient ladies, the bank isn’t closing anytime soon, remember you run that shit. Your the CEO of the company, so enjoy yourself, there will be plenty of time for his big deposit. I know the biological clock is ticking and you need to get cracking (Marisa Tomei said it best in the movie My Cousin Vinny), but try and focus on having more fun and bringing foreplay back into the bedroom, make your man work for it. Just because your trying to conceive, doesn’t mean sex should be something quick just so you can get to the end result faster. You deserve to have fun too. I have seen this many of times before, as soon as couples stop thinking about the OPH and just focus on relaxing and having fun, that’s when pregnancy occurs. Don’t let the OPH process consume you, because it will happen, and it will put allot of stress on your relationship and sex life, and you don’t want that to happen. Try not to stress now, because you will be stressed enough once the kids start popping out.
Don’t just have sex in the bedroom either, work your way through the house or even outside the house. Have sex in the kitchen, in the pool (weather permitting), on top of the washing machine, in the pickup truck, or if your really feeling adventurous have him lean you over his 2 stroke (dirt bike) if he has one. That’s always a fun ride. If you want to have some more fun, mix it up a little bit and bring in the whips and chains and handcuffs. Hell if you really want to , get a custom made paddle with your favorite design on it. You can even do some role playing, whatever floats your boat. It’s always fun to inflict some pain too. Pain can be a good and pleasurable thing. Hey sometimes love hurts.
So just relax and go out there and have some mind blowing sex. Come on people lets make baby making fun 🙂
So my husband and I went to the bar the other night. It was so nice to finally get to go out for a change instead of being stuck in the house. We sat at the bar and ordered our drinks. Normally I always order a pop, anybody who knows me, knows that I don’t like to drink. Just a coke and a smile does it for me. But I decided that one drink wasn’t going to hurt, so I ordered a sex on the beach, and the bartender who made it, did a great job, it tasted awesome. After sucking down the alcoholic beverage, I was feeling really good lol. I guess for never drinking, I had such a low tolerance. I started giggling. My husband looked at me laughing and said woman your crazy, but I’m glad your enjoying yourself. Do you want another drink he asked ? You just want to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me. He lifted my left hand up and pointed to my wedding rings and said, please woman, I don’t have to take advantage of you , I own this lol. Your all mine, bought and payed for. After he said that I took my hand back and started taking my rings off, and looked at him and said come on honey show me what you got, try to pick me up. Pretend were not married. Come on I want to see what your working with here 🙂 He started laughing , your so crazy honey , but that’s why I love you. As he continued laughing I said come on show me how you would pick me up. I can’t he said. Well why not, I asked him. He leaned in real close and said Because If Unzip my pants right now then we will both get kicked out of here. That’s how you were going to pick me up I asked him. Woman you know damn well if I would unzip my pants right now , that would be game. I started laughing and said you know me so well honey lol. We then both started laughing. He then leaned in and a gave me a kiss. I’m truly blessed, in more ways than one 🙂 I love my husband so much.
Had a crazy dream last night lol. I dreamt that the whole world was under attack by flying suppositories, and my ass was the number one target. And I was running for my life and trying to find shelter somewhere. Maybe it’s a sign I have to poop lol
What do you think about my crazy dream? ??
If you have a crazy dream and you would like to share , share it here on CrazyRedders:) I would like to hear all about it.
The story of spanking a chicken is a fact. This really did happen 🙂 I can’t believe it myself but its totally true. Tell me what me what you all think.